Johnna’s MRI showed that the tumor isn’t growing. But it also showed that it hasn’t changed. At all.
It’s funny how everyone can still be somewhat optimistic when, half-way through treatment we’re no better off than we were months ago. I’m not doing so well at being so optimistic.
And with that, I think I’ve been withdrawing, and withdrawing too much. With Dan and Chassidy’s eviction and subsequent move-in with mom, Jo and Gary, I’ve been avoiding going over there even more often. And I’m so wrapped up in “my” Dan right now, and I know that’s not entirely healthy. I know we’re engaging in more than little risky sexual behavior, and I know that I’m ignoring almost every other person in my life right now so that I can spend time with him.
But he’s one of the only people who doesn’t consistently ask me about Johnna. And he never tries to offer advice or solutions. Generally we just spend time together talking about ourselves and each other, or watching a movie, or immersing ourselves so much in each other that I can forget the rest of the world exists for a while. He makes me feel like I’m the center of his universe, at least while we’re together.
And I’m loving that feeling. Loving it enough to push aside my morals/values/consciousness and get swept away by the force of his particular brand of distraction.
